The tractate on love and infidelity
Today the world celebrates international women's day, and I wanted to add a little bit more Love into it - more love to ourselves, more love to our men, more love to this life, by touching upon a painful subject, a subject that for most of us represents the lack of love from others - "infidelity" and "cheating".
What I'm about to say may sound extreme or unrealistic, it may seem impossible to fully accept at this moment, yet I wish to share my personal take on that. Maybe it could bring a little bit more peace and love into more hearts.
Cheating doesn't exist.
What exists is a wrong perception of our fearful ego mind that is afraid to lose or share something it has been clinging to and self-proclaimed an ownership of.
Cheating doesn't exist. What exists is the innate desire of our souls to experience and to evolve from it, learning who we are from every experience we go through. This is called life. This is why we are here.
Even though it is possible - even required - to come to the end of learning, for any learning is provided in order to be done with it one day, after you've realized who you are - but until then every single person lives accordingly to the need/demand of the Higher self to learn. If a person feels (on a higher level) that another encounter or even "cheating" will teach him/her something about himself/herself and give him/her something the other person cannot give - he/she may wish to go into that connection, and it's understandable.
Whether that choice is made by a person unconsciously and on the surface it looks like for that person it is just an itch to get a momentary pleasure because nothing else in this life truly brings him joy, or it is a conscious seeking for a more satisfying partner/relationships, or simply a need to have a different experience, it is nevertheless a choice of this person, a choice of his Higher self, whether he understands it or not. And every choice, even a "seemingly stupid" one, has to be respected and accepted.
I don't say that intimately connecting with every individual that comes our way is what needs to be done, quite the opposite. I don't say it is the best way to live and if it happens with our partner we are obliged to be super enthusiastic about that - not necessarily, but it's up to you. All I say, let's be more understanding and more free from the outdated social stereotypes and from our own inner fears and insecurities. Let's be more free ourselves, and let others be as free as they choose to in this life. Let's be more loving - that's all I want to express through this article.
Society tells you - if your partner wants to connect with someone else, it means he/she doesn't love you anymore, doesn't feel interested in you anymore. That might be the case, yes. And the case might even be that he/she didn't "love you" fully from the first place. Yet even when the love is fully there, the desire to connect with someone at some point in time may still arise.
I don't think it's impossible to never desire other people, except your partner - everything is possible, everything is a choice, and for some people if that makes them both feel the best, it is the best choice for them personally. But everyone's truth/situation is different. And if your truth is to have a new experience, if the Higher Self is pushing you to grow from it, if you are "secretly" longing to connect with someone else, but cannot allow it yourself because you have a false thought that it's wrong to do so, or suffer from guilt - then you are betraying yourself. And betraying yourself is what is truly detrimental.
We have to understand, that this world will not survive being ruled by our fears, guilt, fake morality. This is a sick approach that makes us sick too and makes us all suffer.
We should learn to love in a higher way - for our own selves and for the others. And to love in a higher way means to give a gift of freedom.
We should be able to wish to our love partners the same that we would wish to other people, to our friends or relatives - freedom, joy, life full of beautiful memorable connections and different experiences that make us grow. With our presence in somebody's life, we should add to this person's life, and not subtract from it (limit it). To limit someone's life with our false ideas or with scenes of jealousy and drama is neither very kind nor very loving - neither to ourselves nor to them. It's plain stupid. It hurts everyone, but first and foremost it hurts those who feel those toxic emotions inside them.
Again, if you are in great monogamous relationships, and if both of you mutually find everything you need in one partner, and both naturally don't seek for growth and excitement beyond the circle of this relationship, if that's enough for both of you, it is totally fine and should be celebrated. I am not offering anything, I don't have an opinion what way is better to live, and I do not have any preference in this - except the one and only preference for others and myself to be free, loving and happy, no matter how that was achieved or manifested.
Love is a gift of freedom, which elevates both the giver and the receiver. And that's what we are here for - to elevate more, to wake up more, to become more awakened, to love more, to be more free.
Don't misinterpret it please, don't use "living in freedom" idea as an excuse for yourself to fall into a bigger trap and become even less aware and more asleep, by indulging in every meaningless connection you can find. It's not about that. The more is not the better, or vice versa. It's all just about your inner growth, inner integrity, inner honesty first and foremost. It's about you being true to yourself, first and foremost. But don't just rush into changing the external agreements with your partner immediately without giving it a proper thought and making sure you get to this level of understanding. Because until the veil of your mind's limitations is not thin enough, the tries of "living in freedom" will be nothing but another dead concept, a comforting excuse for the ego to behave in an even less aware mode, a hidden suffering. It will be a disaster and will never end well. You cannot fake it. Intellectually grasping it is not enough. And it's not about suppressing your jealousy and fears, it's about transforming it and elevating it to a higher level of awareness where it ceases to exist in you.
You have to embody it, and this inner freedom should come from the purity of your heart. Not from intellect. And not from the unaware mind following blindly every itch and every animal instinct it perceives.
So look within yourself and seek for the inner freedom first, and then, when your level of inner freedom and Love will be higher, and fears will be less, you will start to see clearly and naturally how disgusting it is to even try putting any limits on the others or having it inside yourself, then your external world will become a reflection of what you are inside, and then you can act in this world as you choose, because your thoughts and acts will come from a place of greater awareness and wisdom. It will be coming from the Source in you, from your inner abundant and generous heart, and not from your fears, lack, greed, meaningless lust and using sex as unconscious attempts to distract yourself from this reality you cannot find joy and satisfaction in.
Your goal is to go for the experiences that will make you more awaken to who you are, instead of making you forget who you are and fall into "sleep" even deeper.
Focus on love. Focus on yourself, on the inside, on understanding the root of and eliminating toxic emotions and reactions from your system. Do it for your Self. Ask yourself what this situation of your partner "cheating on you" wants to show you about yourself. You generated this experience in order to show it to yourself and have a chance to fix it. You can heal yourself and increase your energy level by clearing those places in yourself.
And when you energetically become more clear, you suddenly see how unacceptable and painful it is to hold onto the vibration of jealousy, or hold onto social stereotypes, it feels like a foreign vibration that doesn't belong to you. It becomes impossible to live against your highest truth, which is love and freedom for yourself and everyone around you.
So if you are trying to deal with your partner "cheating on you", and you are in denial of that behavior of his/her, consider that: each and every soul is guided by /lives accordingly to what it needs to experience in order to learn. Depriving him/her of learning, depriving him/her from the innate right to learn, you are literally demanding them to stop their personal growth because of your own lack of inner balance, insecurities, and lack of love.
Of course, you are free to leave, if your relationships are too painful for you to handle, you are not obliged to stay and tolerate something that you cannot tolerate at this moment. You have free will to choose what to learn/accept, and what not to. Or if your partner is disrespectful and no longer behaves in a nice, loving way. And sometimes the most wise and loving resolution for dissatisfying relationships would be actually leaving it. Sometimes we need to learn the lesson of not how to accept things and stay together, but the lesson of how to let go gracefully and when it's needed and time to do so.
Yet, if your partner is respectful and loving to you personally, if you feel the connection has not exhausted itself yet, and in general all is going well between you, but you suddenly find out about his/her "betrayal" or desire to know someone else better - ask yourself what is this place in you where the hurt arises from. This is always a place - a blind spot - where your own love doesn't reach you, a place of lack of self love and respect. A place of limiting belief or negative thought about yourself that is reflected from others and hurt you because you see the actions of others as a confirmation of that limiting belief that "I am not lovable", "I am not worthy of that person", "I am too stupid", "I am not respected enough", "I am not beautiful or sexually attractive enough", "I don't deserve love", "I can be hurt/offended by anyone from the outside","I won't allow him/her to behave with me like that, it's insulting, it's offensive and I must defend myself". No one can offend you, no one can insult you, unless you do it for yourself believing in it. It's not in anyone's power - never was, and never will. But looking at it differently you are harming yourself, losing your own alignment and negating God within you.
If you get rid of those beliefs or at least become aware of them and make conscious choice to not support them and not to believe in them, nothing on the outside in others' actions can offend you, no one will ever be able to betray you - because you don't take it personal anymore, and see it as it truly is. It is not your problem, and it cannot touch you. The problem can only arise when you start reacting at it as if it is yours.
And if you do wish to decrease the probability of them leaving you/cheating on you, if you insist on that, then all you need is to focus first on your own evolvement, making it your priority, so that they always have something meaningful to learn from the experience they share with you and would need less (or nothing) from the others. Be understanding of your partner's needs, don't be jealous and possessive, this will make you evolve and hence will increase the chances of them staying with you longer, because of who you are evolved into. That is not the goal though. But if the only motivation for you to work on yourself and your jealousy and inner fears is the idea that others won't cheat on you/leave you when you will eliminate it all from your system, then great, use it like that.
The good news is that if you truly WILL succeed in eliminating that from your system - which means you will get to a higher level of awareness and love for yourself and others, you will no longer be preoccupied too much with the thought whether the person you love makes a choice to cheat on you or leaves you, or not. Either way will be fine, either scenario will be met in love and in understanding that it is exactly what you need and choose for yourself on a higher level.
Happy Women's day, love more and be loved more, and may we all know more Peace inside and outside.